All new marriages have their own unique issues. It can take time for two people to get used to each others mood and rhythms. This is really a challenge if you haven't lived together before the marriage. When you consider the "normal" challenges of a newlywed couple and then consider the challenges of a new marriage after divorce it's easy to see that things could get tricky.
After a divorce it would be virtually impossible not to have some baggage. That is very often where the trouble begins. You are so worried that your new partner will act just like your old partner that it's easy to see things that may not really be there.
You have to be able to slow down and really see what is, or isn't, going on. If you were really hurt by something your ex did you will be even more prone to seeing things that may not be there.
One of the best examples of this is if there was cheating in your previous marriage. It's extraordinarily difficult to learn to trust again after you have been cheated on. It would be very easy to start seeing "signs" that your new spouse is doing the same thing all over again.
Of course, it's not impossible that they are, but in a lot of cases it's just the insecurity of one partner.
The good news is that it can actually be pretty easy to avoid falling into this trap: don't remarry right away.
A lot of people will remarry too quickly because they are hurt, lonely and afraid of being alone. That is a huge mistake. The more time you allow yourself to deal with the issues from your past marriage and heal, the less likely you will be to bring all that baggage into your next marriage.
By dealing with it all you have a much better chance of your new marriage after divorce being a happy one.
It's also a bad idea to start dating too soon. You aren't going to be your best and for that reason it's likely that you won't attract the best to you.
For example, if you were cheated on or mis treated and you jump right back into the dating pool right after your marriage ends, you will still be in that "victim" mode. Few confidant, independent people are going to be attracted to someone like that.
Who will be attracted so someone like that will be someone who is also wounded and they are looking for someone to either enable them or to walk on so they can prove their own strength. Not at all what you want.
Depending on the depth of the issues in your past marriage you may even want to see a counselor for a while before you start dating again. It's easy to fool ourselves and convince ourselves that we have dealt with everything, but in many cases we haven't dealt with it at all, we've just pushed it down and ignored it. That is when it's most likely to come back and bite you.
Dealing with the past and taking your time before you take the plunge again, is the best way of ensuring that your
new marriage after divorce will work out much better than the first one did.
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