What many people may not realize is that while being dumped is no fun, it's no picnic for the person who is doing the dumping either (assuming they aren't a complete jerk that is). Finding the best, and most gentle, way to break up relationship takes a little common sense, a little compassion and a little finesse. Once you've made your mind up that this is the best course of action don't be afraid to stand by your decision, even if your soon to be ex starts crying or begging you. It's hard, I know, but you have to do it for both of you.
If you're truly ready to end the relationship, and hopefully you aren't just mad over some insignificant tiff the two of you had, than the best course of action is to get it over with quickly. If you're just not sure the best way to go, here are a few ideas you may want to use:
1. Unless you honestly believe your ex may get violent (and don't pretend like you are afraid of this if you really have no reason to be just because you're a chicken) than you should meet them in person and tell them face to face that the relationship is over. It's the most respectful way to do it. Even if your ex was a royal jackass and treated you like crap, it's still the best way for you to handle it since it will show, yet again, that you are the bigger person.
2. State your case and be firm. You aren't asking them for permission or that they agree with you, you are just letting them know where you are coming from. It's not really important if they see things the way you do or not (after all, if the two of you were so much on the same page it's likely that you wouldn't be breaking up in the first place). Don't forget that you are just being courteous and respectful of them and their feelings, you are explaining your feelings, not justifying them.
3. If they have a question, or 6, answer them honestly. The only time I might recommend against full honesty is if you've already met someone new. There is no need to cause unnecessary pain. Other than that though, be kind but be honest.
4. Don't get mushy and lose your nerve and turn your 'breakup' into a 'break' since it will only cause more pain when it becomes obvious to them that you really have no intention of ever getting back with them. If it's a breakup then make sure you let them know that in no uncertain terms, don't give them false hope of a reconciliation.
5. Make it clear that you don't want to see them or talk to them again (as gently as possible). If they do call you, don't answer. In the long run you'll be doing them a favor since answering their calls and talking to them will only convince them that you want them back but you just haven't 'come to your senses yet'.
It stinks to have to break up relationship (though it may be slightly better than having someone breakup with you) so finding the best way to go about it so you inflict the least amount of pain is helpful. If you use these tips you should be able to accomplish just that. Good luck.
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