“How can I save my marriage?” This question comes up so often with friends talking over coffee, or from a phone call to a best friend that they need to confide in. While things may seem hopeless, the answers could be very obvious. But life sometimes causes us not to see the answers for the problem.
It’s like the old adage: “You can’t see the forest for the trees”. This rings so true for marriage. Many times, we become so wrapped up in problems that we don’t give ourselves the chance to adequately search for the solution. We focus on the wreck instead of the cleanup. Getting over what is going on means being able to shift focus on how to resolve it. If we can focus on it enough to contemplate how much damage it is causing a marriage, then focusing on its resolution should get equal attention.
If there is a problem in a marriage then worrying about it isn’t going to fix it. This is where communication comes in. Focusing on the problem isn’t going to resolve it: neither is fighting over it or hiding resentment or anger. Bringing it all out for both sides to see, and discuss, is what needs to happen. And the sooner this happens, the better.
The best course of action here is to set aside time when both spouses can engage in conversation without distractions: “without distractions” being the key here. If this cannot be accomplished without interruptions or “life” butting in, then this is not the time. This is something that deserves full attention. If it is serious enough that one party feels their marriage is in jeopardy then that should be enough to warrant pushing all other areas to the side.
Once you have quiet, alone time, sit down and one person begins talking. If only one person feels this is an issue then they will start and have ample time to bring out their concerns. Perhaps a time limit could be imposed so that both sides get equal opportunity to address the concern.
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