Many of the religions around the world view marriage as a sacred institution that is the foundation of the family. It is extremely important in these religions to make every effort possible to save a marriage when it seems to be in trouble.
Even the best of marriages will have their bad moments and these days there does seem to be more divorce than there once was many years ago. The roles of men and women have changed considerably over the years, there seems to be much more financial pressures these days and children seem to have more behavioral issues than in the past. These all put pressure on a marriage and some will struggle to get through it.
So what do you do if your marriage is in trouble?
The church is one good place to start if your marriage needs help, after all the church does value the sanctity of marriage very highly.
Sure there are family therapists, marriage counselors or clinical psychologists that you can visit but most of these will take on an individualistic approach to the counseling. A pastor or church counselor on the other hand will take a more wholistic approach which will have a much better chance of success.
Is there an advantage to seeing a pastoral counselor rather than a secular therapist?
A secular therapist has been educated in their field but their education is almost solely on treating individuals. Even those therapists who specialize in marriage and family therapy have only had perhaps on class or elective in how to deal with couple's therapy. Because of their lack of education for a family as a whole this approach is not always the best.
On the other hand, a pastoral counselor is educated with the aim of helping couple’s work through their problems and brings them closer together. A pastor has the belief that once the vows of marriage are taken the marriage should be forever, with the exception of an abusive relationship.
Many pastoral counselors have undergone formal education for counseling and even those who do not have a formal degree will take some seminars and classes on this topic.
If you don't attend church regularly then you may not have a pastor already at hand to help you. Some churches may require a membership term before you can approach the pastor for such counseling.
If you are in a circumstance where you cannot get pastoral counseling then you may want to consider a couples retreat. You can call some of the churches in your area to find out if they have any upcoming couple’s retreats. These are weekend seminars that can be quite effective at helping to bring couples back together. You can also use this opportunity to establish a relationship with a pastor at the retreat who may then be able to give you further marriage counseling.
Couple's retreats can help you to work through many issues. You may have some couple sessions and there will also be some group sessions and there may be times when you get to work through questions individually.
Communication is encouraged and is very important at these retreats. Communication is vital in a marriage and if you can improve your communication you will have a good chance at repairing any damage and saving your marriage.
Other issues such as finances, child raising and even sexual relations will be addresses at a couple's retreat. The goal here is to get you back on track on all areas of your relationship. The goal is that you and your spouse can learn to communicate about these issues and begin to understand one another’s feelings, so that you can both make changes to help maintain a healthy relationship.
Marriage isn't always a bed of roses, there will be tough moments that you need to work together to get through. If you are having marriage problems then consider seeking pastoral counseling to save your marriage.
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