Let's talk a little bit today about how to proceed if you feel you and your partner need relationship counseling. There are four things you need to keep in mind during this difficult time.
The first one is choosing the right marriage counselor. If you feel comfortable,and your spouse agrees, ask friends or family whether they have had a good experience with a marriage counselor to help them get through their difficulties. This can be the first step in finding a referral that might be useful to you. If there is no one to ask then do a search on the internet for counselors in your area.
Secondly, if you do find such a person whether it's through a personal referral, off of the internet or through an ad, you must to check the counselor's credentials, see whether or not that person is licensed and if they have the experience working with couples. Ask what their success rate is with relationship counselin and how long they have been a counselor.
The third thing you want to do is talk to this person by phone. Basically, you are interviewing them for the job of helping you save your marriage. write down a list of questions so you are prepared and talk to them for ten to fifteen minutes to get a good feel for who they are and how they can help you and your spouse. This is the beginning of your professional relationship and a great way to find out if you will have a rapport with them.
If you hit it off over the phone then the fourth step is to make an appointment to go to your first session. The first session with this counselor will give you the information you need to either continue seeing him or her or to find someone else. First impressions are important. If the phone interview goes well then it is promising that the in person first meeting will goes just as well.
Keep in mind that you both have to be comfortable with the counselor you choose. If one of you isn't then the counseling will not work and may even cause more fighting and stress in your relationship.
If you have gotten him to agree that your relationship needs work that is one big step. Getting him to do something about it is another story, however. Many people, men in particular, do not want their dirty laundry aired all over the neighborhood. They just do not want their ego taking a hit, I guess. They may think that someone will think less of them if they have to have counseling even though we all know that is just a bunch of BS.
I do not advocate playing games or trying to manipulate one another but if the male half of your relationship balks at all about getting relationship counselin then, if it is not a problem for you, find an attractive female counselor. He might find it within himself to get to every session and open up a little more freely than he would if you were seeing a male counselor. Just sayin'.
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