When it comes to relationship cheating there are a lot of factors that can contribute to infidelity. I'm certainly not condoning any cheating, emotional or physical, but I am saying that if two people want to salvage their relationship after infidelity, it can help to know where it is coming from.
Few people really understand what cheating is really all about. People think that is is about love or sex, and sometimes it is, but more often than not cheating is simply a poor reaction to something that is going on in the primary relationship.
For example, if you have a couple that has been together for many years and things are not quite as easy as they once were, one partner may stray to alleviate their frustration, guilt, resentment, etc. In other words, cheating is usually the response of an immature and selfish person to something that is happening in their life that they don't like.
Instead of working to find solutions and facing and addressing the problem head on, they choose to bury their head in the sand and find someone who can help them forget their problems for a little while.
Of course, everyone knows that that won't work for the long term. Sure, they may be able to find some peace and maybe feel good or desirable for a short time, but it won't last. In the end they are only making matters much, much worse. They will have more problems to deal with when they finally decide to grow up and take care of business.
So, now that you know what cheating is, and isn't, here are some things you can do to repair the relationship after an affair:
1. The first thing you must understand, and this applies if you were the cheater or the one cheated on, is that this is a process and will usually take a long time. The road ahead is going to be painful and long and if you aren't going to commit to seeing it through you would be better off just ending the relationship right here and now.
2. Most couples won't be able to do all the rebuilding on their own, you may want to consider finding a counselor to work with. It's difficult for a couple to hold their own hurt, anger and frustration in check during this process but if you don't you and your partner won't be able to accomplish anything.
For that reason having an objective third party counselor can mean the difference between success and failure.
3. You must be aware that even if you and your partner are able to stay together and rebuild your relationship, the infidelity may come up again in times of stress. I don't mean that either of you will cheat, though that is always a possibility, but I mean that the old angers and frustrations of the affair may come back up and unexpected times and cause problems.
If you want to find a way back to the loving relationship you and your partner had before cheating, please understand that it may not be easy but it can be done. Relationship cheating doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship as long as you love each other and are willing to work together.
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2 comments:
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